I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
