I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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