just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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