i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
