The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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