I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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