and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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