Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
