Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
