i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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