good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Boobs are out for the taking
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
