And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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