I haven't been this sober since birth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I just sharted jello shots
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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