; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do herpes really smell.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
