I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
