Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
