some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
