So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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