It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
