I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
