is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
