32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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