You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
