I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
