I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize