my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize