God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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