I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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