my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
