sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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