I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
