$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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