Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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