Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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