I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
