I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
