Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
