You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
