You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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