so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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