Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
