we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
