I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize