OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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