I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
