dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
