chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
