He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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