i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
