I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
