Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
