I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
