this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
