Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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