I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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