He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
