Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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