Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
operation have a gay friend backfired
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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