theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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