I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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