why do cheetos always look like penises
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
