i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
