glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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