We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
