Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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