Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
